How People Get In Trouble:

1. Self-esteem is lowered when the family does not respect its members' needs.

2. Family members adopt defensive stances for coping with stress (e.g. placating-enabler, acting out, entertainer, people pleaser, or rescuer).

3. When family members start operating under unspoken, absolute rules that are impossible in nature (e.g. always look happy, never be mad at your mother, etc.), a child will adhere to these rules to survive within the family, yet he/or she becomes burdensome as an adult.

4. When members in a family begin to act, think, and feel the same way due to dysfunction; this can also stem from family members being controlled by punishment, guilt, fear, or dominance.

5. Family members are considered "dysfunctional" when the poor self-esteem of the parents leads to closed communication and when members become incapable of establishing autonomy from one another. Family members' relationships become strained with little room for individuality or intimacy; the establishment of rigid patterns emerges.

6. There are three parts to every communication: me, you, and context; dysfunctional communications only account for two at a time.

How to Help People:

1. Encouragement of growth by acknowledging differences

2. A goal of therapy is to enhance the self-esteem of family members by basing family decisions on individual needs.

3. Transform extreme family rules into useful and functional rules

4. Focus on enhancement and validation of self-esteem

5. Assess, strengthen, and enhance coping skills

6. Identify family roles, then help transform family roles into relationships, and family rules into guidelines

7. The overall goal is to liberate the family, so they adhere to the 5 freedoms:
a. To see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be
b. To say what one feels and thinks, instead of what one should
c. To feel what one feels, instead of what one ought
d. To ask for what one wants, instead of always waiting for permission
e. To take risks in one's own behalf, instead of choosing to be "secure" by not rocking the boat